the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Enjoy the penises
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
