Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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