last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
