you guys were way drunker than both of me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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