amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
