Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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