i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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