If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
