I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
