Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
