I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
