You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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