My room smells like vodka and shame
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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