Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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