Soap is not a condiment
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
