Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
