he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
