We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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