He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
