You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
