she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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