I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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