Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
