wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
