woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
