So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
