is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
