i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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