You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
