My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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