i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
