the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
