Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
