It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
