Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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