using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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