I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
