I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
