Sober January is a disaster.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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