when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
