I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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