my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
