i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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