is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
