Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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