whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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