drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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