he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
