i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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