JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
