so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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