for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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