Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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