remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
