if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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