When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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