I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
