i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
